Trust

I was interested to read the results of a new study on trust that targeted the elderly segment of our population.  I think many of us tend to believe that an individual's level of trust tends to decrease with age.  However, that is not what this study found.  The sutdy followed individuals of three different generations and it revealed that trust tends to increase, rather than diminish, as people grow older.

Claudia Haase, a co-author of the study, said, "Our new findings show that trust increases as people get older and, moreover, that people who trust more are also more likely to experience increases in happiness over time."  Although this increase in trust might lead an older person to become a victim of a fraud or a scam, there is not any evidence that such negative outcomes diminish the positive effects of trust, and there is a correlation between trust and well being.  (See reference below.)  I found this to be encouraging news!

However, when we work in the helping professions, we are bound to encounter some individuals--whether they are elderly or younger--who are reluctant to trust us, for one reason or another.  Sometimes this can make it difficult when we are trying to help them with issues or concerns.  If an individual does not really trust our judgments or have confidence in us, he or she may resist the help we offer them.  How, then, can we work at increasing the level of trust when we find ourselves in such a situation?

In thinking about how to answer this question, I came up with an acronym based on the word "TRUST".  I think it might be a useful guideline on how to build trust with another person as a helping professional.  The first word is "Truthfulness".  In order to gain the trust of someone we are trying to help, we need to be honest about who we are and what we can, and cannot, do for them--and we need to be ourselves.  The second word is "Respect".  Regarding each individual as a person with specific abilities, needs, circumstances, and preferences is very important.  We are not in charge of anyone's decisions, nor should we try to usurp that role.  The third word is "Understanding".  Even when we do not fully understand where the other person is coming from, we need to have an attitude of openness and of attempting to understand them as much as we can.  The fourth word is "Support".  When we are assisting someone as a helping professional, we need to empower them by giving them appropriate information, by offering emotional support when we can, and by sticking with them throughout the helping process.  The last word is "Time".  Trust does not always happen right away.  If an individual initially rejects our offer of help, that may change if we are willing to wait, give that person space, and take every opportunity to build up trust, without being pushy.  Remembering these five words and trying to practice them might help us to facilitate the process of building trust.

When we, as helping professionals, find ourselves in a situation where trust is lacking, let us be patient and remain open.  Perhaps the moment is not quite right and, with a little more time, the door will open and the trust will be there.

Quote and information taken from "Trust Increases with Age, Benefits Well Being:  New Research Suggests a Bright Side to Getting Older", by Julie Deardorff, March 18, 2015, found online at http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2015/3 .

Spring: Not Always a Time of Hope

I always get excited in the spring, seeing the flowers begin to blossom and the trees turn green once more.  The extra sunlight and the new growth that accompany each spring season make me feel like a new person, and I always anticipate their arrival.  Somehow, subconsciously, I guess I expect everyone else to feel the same way I do.  However, springtime is not necessarily a joyous season for everyone.

I was interested to discover recently that Seasonal Affective Disorder not only occurs during the fall and winter, but can also occur during the spring and summer.  This is apparently a rare form of SAD, but it does affect some people in this way.  According to Web MD's article on SAD, the symptoms of the spring and summer form of this disorder are trouble sleeping, decreased appetite, and weight loss. When working with elderly and disabled persons, I think it is important to know that this variation of Seasonal Affective Disorder exists and that it can result in these problems. It might be a contributing factor to the depressed mood  of some of the individuals we seek to help and support in our work.

Another factor to note is that for some individuals, springtime may be accompanied by bittersweet memories, such as the loss of a loved one or a life transition that has been traumatic,  Instead of awakening feelings of joy and anticipation, the spring season might stir up pain, anxiety, and sadness. This is just the opposite of what many of us feel at this time of the year, but the experience is just as valid.  And perhaps being surrounded by signs of new life makes the difficult memories even more painful.

Of course, we cannot change the seasons or people's reactions to them, and we all respond differently to various times of the year.  But having at least some awareness of how these seasonal transitions can affect others may help us to be more supportive and compassionate as we work with them.  That, I think, is the bottom line in all our work.

Everyone Has a Story

I have been pondering the fact that in our society, we are very quick to attach labels to people.  It is very easy to look at an individual and place him or her in some type of box, or often multiple boxes, without considering the various factors and influences that have shaped that particular person and make them the person that they are.

I think almost everyone is guilty of labeling and categorizing people, and I believe this can be particularly true when one works in one of the helping professions.  For those in the medical profession, I think it is probably easy to think of a particular patient as "this elderly woman who is diabetic and suffers from hearing loss", or "this man who has prostate cancer and is facing a knee replacement", and not necessarily to see the whole person in the process.  By the same token, I think service coordinators, social workers, and those in similar professions can easily think of an individual coming to them for help as "this young man who is on dialysis and needs Medical Assistance" or "this young woman who is bipolar and needs to find a therapist".  

Everyone has a story, but how often do we take the time to find out something about that story?  I realize that in the helping professions, not every encounter with a person in need will present the opportunity to find out something about that individual's unique story.  But sometimes I think people are ready to share something about their own background, their own story, that could assist us in determining the best ways to help them.  Perhaps they have had positions of leadership and can readily take charge of their own care, once they are given some direction.  Perhaps they have always been dependent on other people and need a little more guidance, and encouragement, as the best course of action is determined.  And maybe they have anecdotes to share and just need someone to listen for a few minutes, as they reveal a part of their own story with someone who shows that they care.  

How can we be more open to the story of each person we encounter as individuals who serve in the helping professions?  How do we show that we are interested in who they are and in what their journey has been?  Maybe it is mostly a matter of really listening for openings as we converse with those who come to us for help, and taking the opportunity to find out something about their own unique story as we seek to help them continue on their journey in life.  And sometimes we can share a little of our own story, too.   Just think of how we might encourage and inspire each other if we seek to do this!

The Joy of Spontaneity

At the building where I serve as Resident Service Coordinator, we held our annual tree decorating earlier this month.  Our Property Manager had bought a new artificial tree, complete with lights, and had put it up in our Community Room.  I had set a date for our annual gathering but then cancelled it, because our old tree--before the new one was purchased--required considerable effort to assemble, and there was no staff available to help me.  After the new tree was set up, I thought that perhaps I would just "skip" the community tree decorating this year, as there did not seem to be much interest in the event the year before.  Maybe I could just put on a few decorations myself, I mused, and the residents probably would not miss the communal gathering.  However, one of our residents approached me and informed me that some of the other residents were asking when our tree decorating was going to take place.  She was right in asking me, of course, so I set a new date and put up posters advertising the event.

When the day came, only a couple of residents actually wanted to help decorate the tree, but a number of others came just to watch, to enjoy the cookies that were available, and to socialize.  As the tree was filled with more and more ornaments and decorations, a small group of them truly seemed to enjoy watching the tree "come to life".  Then, when the decorating was mostly complete, some of our Spanish-speaking residents broke into a delightful holiday song, singing, "Arbolito, arbolito" ("little tree, little tree"), which was followed by the singing of "Feliz Navidad".  I joined in on the second song, truly moved by the joy of those who were singing!

In recalling this event, I began to think about spontaneity and how such spontaneous expressions of joy occur.  What conditions allow such spontaneous moments to happen?  Spontaneity does just happen, of course, but I believe there are several things that can foster an atmosphere that is conducive to it.  First of all, individuals--and groups--need to have the space and the freedom to be themselves.  Seasonal celebrations are good occasions for providing such an opportunity, and for encouraging the expressions and traditions of various cultural and ethnic groups to blossom.  Second, events where there is some structure provided but which are not over-programmed can provide the space for such spontaneous moments as the one our residents experienced at our tree decorating event.  Third, providing inspiration through the arts--such as music or poetry--or providing opportunities for participation in an activity that is beautiful or creative--such as decorating a Christmas tree--can lead to spontaneous expressions of joy and positive energy.

I guess it is all pretty simple.  If we allow our residents--or other individuals we may serve--the freedom and the space to be themselves and provide some inspiration along the way, they can experience spontaneous moments of joy and gratitude which are then shared with others, spreading the joy.  I think that is a lovely thing to remember at this holiday season!

Thinking of Gratitude

On the eve of Thanksgiving Day I am considering what it means to be thankful, particularly about what it means to be thankful for our work and to express gratitude in the midst of our work as we serve others.  I found an interesting article by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo in "Huffpost Healthy Living" (online) entitled, "7 Ways to Boost Your Gratitude".*  One of the seven points Dr. Lombardo makes about gratitude is that it is very important to "be present" when we are with others.  She points out that many of us are very good at juggling multiple thoughts in our heads at the same time.  However, she also states that "It is tough to feel true gratitude when your attention is divided.  Take the time to really focus on the person you are with or event that is happening in the moment."

I know that at times, it can be easy for me to think of the resident who is in my office, seeking assistance, as just one more person in my day and to concentrate on trying to resolve their issues, rather than really paying attention to them.  But Dr. Lombardo's reminder to "be present" teaches me that this is not a good way to show gratitude to, or for, the person I am trying to help.  If I become too focused on the problems I am trying to resolve or the other tasks I need to get done before the day is over, I forget the person who is in front of me, with his or her own unique personality and ways of expressing gratitude to me for any assistance I might offer.

As we approach the month of December and another very busy holiday season, maybe we can make a conscious effort not to become so absorbed in our schedules and in getting things done that we forget to really be present to the people we serve.  Being present helps us to be more in tune with the needs of others, and helps to increase our gratitude for them as well.


* Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, “7 Ways to Boost Your Gratitude”, from “Huffpost Healthy Living” online,  posted 11/28/2013 and updated 1/28/2014.

A Sense of Pride

What do you think of when you hear the word "pride"?  I think most of us are aware that pride can have either a positive or a negative connotation.  On the negative side, pride can refer to the quality of being conceited, of thinking that one is superior to other people.  On the positive side, Merriam-Webster online gives the following definitions: “a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people”; “a reasonable or justifiable self-respect”.  It seems apparent, then, that pride is something one needs in order to maintain a healthy self-image, to stay well and to be engaged with the world.  

It appears that many individuals who are elderly or disabled do not have the sense of pride that they need in order to remain healthy and engaged.  Of course, a seeming lack of pride in a person’s appearance or outlook, or in the cleanliness of their home, can be due to the fact that he or she is not feeling well, or it can be a sign of mental decline.  But sometimes, I think individuals who are elderly or infirm lose their sense of pride and self-worth simply because they become isolated and feel forgotten.  When they spend most of their time alone and have little family or social support, it may seem to them not to matter how they look, what they wear or, for that matter, what their opinions are on matters that could impact their quality of life.  

As people who provide services for the ailing and the aging, how do we help them to maintain their sense of pride in who they are?  Personal caregivers can help individuals take pride in their appearance and find special ways to help them feel good about how they look.   Something all of us can do is to include those we serve in decisions about their own care as much as possible.  Sometimes it is easy to start taking steps to help someone without really finding out what that person needs or wants, and perhaps what may seem like stubbornness or resistance is because we have not really taken the time to do that.  We can also keep our eyes open for the specific gifts of the individuals we are serving and encourage them to use those gifts in helping others, especially if we work in a housing community.  Likewise, if we serve in such a community, we can make sure we let residents have a say in the activities and programs that are offered, rather than simply offering programs or events for the sake of doing so.  I am sure there are many other ways we can foster a sense of pride as well.

Let us remember that each person's sense of pride and self-worth are an important part of their overall well-being, and do whatever we can to promote it.

Compassionate Concern and Change

At the building where I work, we recently had our parking lot re-paved and re-lined.  The process took two days, during which time our staff--and our residents who have cars--were not able to park in the lot.  Arrangements were made for off-site parking for them, as well as transportation for those who might have difficulty walking from the off-site parking lot to our building.  Most of the residents who had to park elsewhere during this time did not seem to be upset or put out by this temporary inconvenience, but there were a few of them who made known their dismay at having to do this.

Service Coordinators in public housing, as well as others who provide care and services to the elderly and disabled, may become frustrated at times when the people we serve react adversely to changes that occur in their environment.  Perhaps they are upset because their routine visit from a family member has been changed, or a common area in the building is temporarily closed, or even because we were unavailable to help them for a couple of days and they feel we have let them down.  We might wonder why there is such resistance to changes that seem to us so temporary or insignificant.  But when you think of such situations in terms of loss and limitation, I think it puts them in a whole new perspective.

Many of the individuals we serve have suffered many losses--of their spouses and other loved ones, their homes, their work, and numerous other losses one could name.  They continue to experience loss and limitation due to illness, lack of mobility, and limited financial resources.  Also, a number of them are anxious and/or depressed.  Viewed in this light, I think there is little wonder that certain individuals are disturbed by anything that disrupts what little control of their lives they still feel they have.  Minor or temporary changes may not seem minor to them.  I think we need to remember that.  Although we cannot prevent most of these changes from happening, we can show consistent concern for those we serve by placing ourselves in their shoes and responding with compassionate support.  In a world where change is inevitable and sometimes very threatening, such concern can make a big difference to people who are struggling just to make it through the day.