The Joy of Spontaneity

At the building where I serve as Resident Service Coordinator, we held our annual tree decorating earlier this month.  Our Property Manager had bought a new artificial tree, complete with lights, and had put it up in our Community Room.  I had set a date for our annual gathering but then cancelled it, because our old tree--before the new one was purchased--required considerable effort to assemble, and there was no staff available to help me.  After the new tree was set up, I thought that perhaps I would just "skip" the community tree decorating this year, as there did not seem to be much interest in the event the year before.  Maybe I could just put on a few decorations myself, I mused, and the residents probably would not miss the communal gathering.  However, one of our residents approached me and informed me that some of the other residents were asking when our tree decorating was going to take place.  She was right in asking me, of course, so I set a new date and put up posters advertising the event.

When the day came, only a couple of residents actually wanted to help decorate the tree, but a number of others came just to watch, to enjoy the cookies that were available, and to socialize.  As the tree was filled with more and more ornaments and decorations, a small group of them truly seemed to enjoy watching the tree "come to life".  Then, when the decorating was mostly complete, some of our Spanish-speaking residents broke into a delightful holiday song, singing, "Arbolito, arbolito" ("little tree, little tree"), which was followed by the singing of "Feliz Navidad".  I joined in on the second song, truly moved by the joy of those who were singing!

In recalling this event, I began to think about spontaneity and how such spontaneous expressions of joy occur.  What conditions allow such spontaneous moments to happen?  Spontaneity does just happen, of course, but I believe there are several things that can foster an atmosphere that is conducive to it.  First of all, individuals--and groups--need to have the space and the freedom to be themselves.  Seasonal celebrations are good occasions for providing such an opportunity, and for encouraging the expressions and traditions of various cultural and ethnic groups to blossom.  Second, events where there is some structure provided but which are not over-programmed can provide the space for such spontaneous moments as the one our residents experienced at our tree decorating event.  Third, providing inspiration through the arts--such as music or poetry--or providing opportunities for participation in an activity that is beautiful or creative--such as decorating a Christmas tree--can lead to spontaneous expressions of joy and positive energy.

I guess it is all pretty simple.  If we allow our residents--or other individuals we may serve--the freedom and the space to be themselves and provide some inspiration along the way, they can experience spontaneous moments of joy and gratitude which are then shared with others, spreading the joy.  I think that is a lovely thing to remember at this holiday season!

Thinking of Gratitude

On the eve of Thanksgiving Day I am considering what it means to be thankful, particularly about what it means to be thankful for our work and to express gratitude in the midst of our work as we serve others.  I found an interesting article by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo in "Huffpost Healthy Living" (online) entitled, "7 Ways to Boost Your Gratitude".*  One of the seven points Dr. Lombardo makes about gratitude is that it is very important to "be present" when we are with others.  She points out that many of us are very good at juggling multiple thoughts in our heads at the same time.  However, she also states that "It is tough to feel true gratitude when your attention is divided.  Take the time to really focus on the person you are with or event that is happening in the moment."

I know that at times, it can be easy for me to think of the resident who is in my office, seeking assistance, as just one more person in my day and to concentrate on trying to resolve their issues, rather than really paying attention to them.  But Dr. Lombardo's reminder to "be present" teaches me that this is not a good way to show gratitude to, or for, the person I am trying to help.  If I become too focused on the problems I am trying to resolve or the other tasks I need to get done before the day is over, I forget the person who is in front of me, with his or her own unique personality and ways of expressing gratitude to me for any assistance I might offer.

As we approach the month of December and another very busy holiday season, maybe we can make a conscious effort not to become so absorbed in our schedules and in getting things done that we forget to really be present to the people we serve.  Being present helps us to be more in tune with the needs of others, and helps to increase our gratitude for them as well.


* Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, “7 Ways to Boost Your Gratitude”, from “Huffpost Healthy Living” online,  posted 11/28/2013 and updated 1/28/2014.

A Sense of Pride

What do you think of when you hear the word "pride"?  I think most of us are aware that pride can have either a positive or a negative connotation.  On the negative side, pride can refer to the quality of being conceited, of thinking that one is superior to other people.  On the positive side, Merriam-Webster online gives the following definitions: “a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people”; “a reasonable or justifiable self-respect”.  It seems apparent, then, that pride is something one needs in order to maintain a healthy self-image, to stay well and to be engaged with the world.  

It appears that many individuals who are elderly or disabled do not have the sense of pride that they need in order to remain healthy and engaged.  Of course, a seeming lack of pride in a person’s appearance or outlook, or in the cleanliness of their home, can be due to the fact that he or she is not feeling well, or it can be a sign of mental decline.  But sometimes, I think individuals who are elderly or infirm lose their sense of pride and self-worth simply because they become isolated and feel forgotten.  When they spend most of their time alone and have little family or social support, it may seem to them not to matter how they look, what they wear or, for that matter, what their opinions are on matters that could impact their quality of life.  

As people who provide services for the ailing and the aging, how do we help them to maintain their sense of pride in who they are?  Personal caregivers can help individuals take pride in their appearance and find special ways to help them feel good about how they look.   Something all of us can do is to include those we serve in decisions about their own care as much as possible.  Sometimes it is easy to start taking steps to help someone without really finding out what that person needs or wants, and perhaps what may seem like stubbornness or resistance is because we have not really taken the time to do that.  We can also keep our eyes open for the specific gifts of the individuals we are serving and encourage them to use those gifts in helping others, especially if we work in a housing community.  Likewise, if we serve in such a community, we can make sure we let residents have a say in the activities and programs that are offered, rather than simply offering programs or events for the sake of doing so.  I am sure there are many other ways we can foster a sense of pride as well.

Let us remember that each person's sense of pride and self-worth are an important part of their overall well-being, and do whatever we can to promote it.

Compassionate Concern and Change

At the building where I work, we recently had our parking lot re-paved and re-lined.  The process took two days, during which time our staff--and our residents who have cars--were not able to park in the lot.  Arrangements were made for off-site parking for them, as well as transportation for those who might have difficulty walking from the off-site parking lot to our building.  Most of the residents who had to park elsewhere during this time did not seem to be upset or put out by this temporary inconvenience, but there were a few of them who made known their dismay at having to do this.

Service Coordinators in public housing, as well as others who provide care and services to the elderly and disabled, may become frustrated at times when the people we serve react adversely to changes that occur in their environment.  Perhaps they are upset because their routine visit from a family member has been changed, or a common area in the building is temporarily closed, or even because we were unavailable to help them for a couple of days and they feel we have let them down.  We might wonder why there is such resistance to changes that seem to us so temporary or insignificant.  But when you think of such situations in terms of loss and limitation, I think it puts them in a whole new perspective.

Many of the individuals we serve have suffered many losses--of their spouses and other loved ones, their homes, their work, and numerous other losses one could name.  They continue to experience loss and limitation due to illness, lack of mobility, and limited financial resources.  Also, a number of them are anxious and/or depressed.  Viewed in this light, I think there is little wonder that certain individuals are disturbed by anything that disrupts what little control of their lives they still feel they have.  Minor or temporary changes may not seem minor to them.  I think we need to remember that.  Although we cannot prevent most of these changes from happening, we can show consistent concern for those we serve by placing ourselves in their shoes and responding with compassionate support.  In a world where change is inevitable and sometimes very threatening, such concern can make a big difference to people who are struggling just to make it through the day.

A Sense of Peace

Earlier this year, I was struck by a comment from one of the residents who walked into my office one day.  He remarked, “Your office is so peaceful”, and I was very pleased that he felt that way.  My office is on the seventh floor, away from the main traffic of the building, so that could account for some of the peacefulness this resident felt when he walked in.  But I would like to think there was more to it than that, something about the atmosphere that gave him this sense of peace when he entered the room.

I am quick to admit that I am not always peaceful in my workplace!  There certainly have been times when I have lost my patience—especially with my computer or copier, or with some project that has gone awry—and I am thankful that the residents have not witnessed those moments.  But this man’s comment about my office being peaceful made me think about the importance of cultivating a sense of peace, and about how that might be accomplished.

As caregivers, how do we cultivate peace within ourselves so that we can communicate that peace to others?  I think we need to consciously remind ourselves, at various moments throughout our day, that our work is to serve others and to be a welcoming presence to them.  Hopefully, that will help us to be genuine, to be ourselves, and yet be empathetic to those whose needs might be quite different from our own.  Then those whom we are helping will be more likely to feel accepted and less likely to feel helpless or defensive when we assist them in addressing their specific needs.  If there is openness and trust there will be a sense of peace as well, and that is certainly beneficial both to us as caregivers and to all those who seek our help.  The Dalai Lama has said, "If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another."  That is definitely something worth thinking about!

Vision and Foresight: Trusting the Strength of Others

Several months ago, I was saddened and concerned to learn of the death of one of the residents at my workplace.  My sadness came from losing a well-liked member of our resident family, while my concern arose from the fact that his visually impaired wife would no longer have the partner she had depended on so heavily for her everyday needs.  I wondered how this resident was going to get by when she was unable to see and was so accustomed to having her husband's assistance.  As the Resident Service Coordinator at the building, I also wondered if there would be ways for me to help her.  Despite the fact that she apparently would receive some assistance from her family, I assumed she would not be able to remain in our building.  To my limited vision, the road ahead just seemed too daunting for her.

A short time after her husband's death, I saw this resident in our Community Room with another visually impaired resident and her friend.  They were guiding her so that she could get around in the building, just as her husband had done.  She was attending events at the building with these residents and despite the fact that it was an emotionally difficult time for her, she seemed cheerful and ready to make the most of her new circumstances.  She was not confined to her apartment, as I had feared, but was staying active and seemed eager to be with other people.  I was very encouraged--and also happily surprised--by how well she was responding to her new situation.


This resident, and the residents who have helped her, made me realize that sometimes I am rather short-sighted when it comes to the strength of the people I serve.  I saw the limitations of a difficult situation, but I did not foresee the courage or resilience with which this woman faced the loss of her spouse, especially one upon whom she depended so heavily.  Then, too, I forgot the compassion and thoughtfulness that our residents have displayed toward others in various difficult situations, whether it be by taking food to those who are ill, offering transportation, or just being there for emotional support.  It was a humbling and necessary reminder that although I am there to help, I do not have to solve every problem or even coordinate the resources that are needed in every situation.  Sometimes the greatest resources--other people--are right there in front of us.  Moreover, they are sometimes able to respond more effectively than we can as caring professionals.  May those of us who are caregivers remember that we do not have to do it all, and that we can call on the strength and compassion of others in difficult times!

The Importance of Listening

I think many of us have had the experience of hearing someone tell us the same story over and over again.  This happens especially with older folks and, of course, it could be a sign of confusion or dementia.  But it has occurred to me that sometimes people may repeat themselves not because their mental capacity is impaired.  In some cases, I think it is because they are lonely and have very few people to talk to, or because they feel disenfranchised, undervalued, and do not have the experience of “having a voice” in the world.  These individuals—whether they are elderly or not--really need to be listened to and to be heard.  Their stories and opinions need to be acknowledged and validated, and I think that might be rather easy to forget. 

A few of the residents in the housing facility where I work come into my office on a regular basis.  At times they have needs and concerns that require my assistance, but these residents come in primarily to visit, to talk, and to be listened to.  If I am on a tight schedule, my first instinct might be to tell them I do not have time just to visit or to chat—and if I am with someone else or I am really on a deadline, I might have to put off the visiting for a bit.  But I believe that being available to listen to the residents, to validate their worth, and to show concern for them is the primary reason I am there.   That is not something that needs to take an hour, or even a half hour, of my time.  Sometimes even a very brief exchange seems to make a big difference in someone’s day.

We cannot always “fix” a demanding situation that we encounter while we are serving others.  Sometimes, through the help of various resources, we can help to bring about a successful resolution when individuals are facing trying circumstances, but this is not always true.  However, we can listen and be available, even when we may not be able to fix anything or “make it right”.   As the famous theologian and philosopher Paul Tillich said, “The first duty of love is to listen.” 

If we, as caregivers, make listening a priority in our work, I believe we take a great step in truly caring for those whom we are called to serve.  It requires patience and compassion, but I believe the benefit to others—and to our selves—is well worth it.  As we go about the daily tasks of our work, it just might be helpful to stop and ask ourselves, “Have I truly listened to someone today?”

Learning from Those We Serve

About a year and a half ago, I went to visit a friend who had been a member of my home church congregation, who was then living in a local nursing home.  I was aware that a few of the residents at the housing facility where I work had also been moved to this same nursing care facility.  It is quite a large place, so you can imagine my surprise when I walked into the room of my friend and found that one of our former residents at my workplace had been placed in the same room with her.  What was the likelihood of that?


I had always liked this resident.  She was in her mid-90s when she had to be placed in the nursing home.  She was quite hard of hearing and could no longer care for herself, but she had always been sharp mentally.  The friend I had gone to visit was asleep, so I went over and spoke to this woman instead.  She did not remember me, but she still seemed quite alert.  I asked her how she was doing and she said, rather cheerfully and in her distinctive voice, "Well, I have a roof over my head.  What more could I ask for?"  I was struck by how positive she was, despite that fact that she was in a room with three other roommates, basically had no privacy, and was living with practically nothing to call her own.  Would I be upbeat and cheerful if I were living in the same situation?  My answer would have to be no, I really don't think so.


People who work in the helping professions know that the individuals we are trying to help are often as much of a blessing to us as we are to them, and sometimes even more so.  They teach us many things, including humility and gratitude.  The woman I visited with so briefly that day certainly taught me these things.  She reminded me of how much I have, how little I really need, and that everything is a gift.  She also reminded me of how much we have to learn from those who live with specific limitations, whether they are physical, mental, financial, or perhaps a combination of these.


Are we really ready to be open to the people we are called to serve, to listen to them, and to learn from them?  If we are, I think this can make a real difference in how we approach our work and in how much we appreciate each individual person we encounter.  And that can only help us to be more sensitive and responsive as individuals who are called to care for others.

An Introduction to This Blog

An Introduction

As a Resident Service Coordinator in a low-income housing facility, I am called to help individuals of various races, ethnicities, and cultural backgrounds.  Most of them live with at least one type of illness or physical disability, and some of them struggle with the challenges of mental illness.  For many of them it is not easy to get through the day.  Our residents have varying levels of education and varying degrees of experience in the wider world.  But I have come to realize that each of them has a story to tell, gifts to offer, and wisdom to share. 

This blog will be a sharing of some of the things I have learned and experiences I have had in my work with these residents.  My hope is to bring encouragement and enlightenment to those who read these postings, particularly to those who work with the elderly or disabled.  Whether you are a service coordinator, social worker, certified nursing assistant, or work in another of the helping professions—or whether you read this blog for other reasons—I hope that these reflections will speak to you and somehow help you as your care for others.  And I would like to learn from you as well, through any comments and feedback you would like to share.