The Importance of Listening

I think many of us have had the experience of hearing someone tell us the same story over and over again.  This happens especially with older folks and, of course, it could be a sign of confusion or dementia.  But it has occurred to me that sometimes people may repeat themselves not because their mental capacity is impaired.  In some cases, I think it is because they are lonely and have very few people to talk to, or because they feel disenfranchised, undervalued, and do not have the experience of “having a voice” in the world.  These individuals—whether they are elderly or not--really need to be listened to and to be heard.  Their stories and opinions need to be acknowledged and validated, and I think that might be rather easy to forget. 

A few of the residents in the housing facility where I work come into my office on a regular basis.  At times they have needs and concerns that require my assistance, but these residents come in primarily to visit, to talk, and to be listened to.  If I am on a tight schedule, my first instinct might be to tell them I do not have time just to visit or to chat—and if I am with someone else or I am really on a deadline, I might have to put off the visiting for a bit.  But I believe that being available to listen to the residents, to validate their worth, and to show concern for them is the primary reason I am there.   That is not something that needs to take an hour, or even a half hour, of my time.  Sometimes even a very brief exchange seems to make a big difference in someone’s day.

We cannot always “fix” a demanding situation that we encounter while we are serving others.  Sometimes, through the help of various resources, we can help to bring about a successful resolution when individuals are facing trying circumstances, but this is not always true.  However, we can listen and be available, even when we may not be able to fix anything or “make it right”.   As the famous theologian and philosopher Paul Tillich said, “The first duty of love is to listen.” 

If we, as caregivers, make listening a priority in our work, I believe we take a great step in truly caring for those whom we are called to serve.  It requires patience and compassion, but I believe the benefit to others—and to our selves—is well worth it.  As we go about the daily tasks of our work, it just might be helpful to stop and ask ourselves, “Have I truly listened to someone today?”